To Love or Not To Love? That Is The Question!

Love.........what an interesting word. Webster defines the word "Love" from a deep internal affection for someone to having a sexual affair against your spouse. It is quite the wide variety of definitions. Yet, I've been stuck here wondering for 2 days what love is? How would I describe it? How would my friends, family, & strangers describe it? I've talked to numerous people recently that are contemplating divorce or contemplating breaking up with their significant others or something along those lines. It has brought me to many nights of frustration in the past week where my wife simply has to tell me, "Honey, why are you so upset? Our marriage is fine."

Well our marriage is fine, in fact it's doing great! Yet, I still can't get over the fact of what commitment, love, & marriage really mean! To find the answer, I went to the only person I trust 100% & that is the Big Man upstairs. I read many articles from churches & have asked many friends/family I respect their opinions on this. Many places factored into this response. I'm not saying this is 100% a right conclusion, but this is what I gather after researching:

DON'T READ UNLESS YOU WANT TO READ BIBLE & SOME "IN YOUR FACE OPINIONS"

To start I had to determine God's purpose for marriage & what it means. The earliest Biblical reference on marriage is in the first two chapters of Genesis. God created humans male and female and instructed them to populate the earth and exercise dominion over it (Genesis 1:26-31). God said marital partners were to leave their parents, be joined together and have a sexual relationship (Genesis 2:24-25). Noting that "it is not good that man should be alone" (Genesis 2:18), God gave humans the wonderful gift of marriage.

Some 2,500 years ago ancient Israel wallowed in moral decay. Its leaders were not teaching God's values (Malachi 1:6; 2:7-8). Just as today, marriages were falling apart as people selfishly sought only their own gratification. In this setting God sent the prophet Malachi to identify the Israelites' mistakes and explain what they should do to secure God's blessings again. In doing so, God revealed another purpose of marriage. What had the Israelites done wrong?

"Judah has broken faith," Malachi explained under divine inspiration. "A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the Lord loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god" (Malachi 2:11).

Many Israelite men had married women from other nations who enticed them to worship their gods rather than the true God. When some of these men decided to worship God in addition to these foreign deities, they found that He would not accept their offerings (verses 12-13). But there was more.

"You ask, 'Why?' " proclaimed the prophet. "It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

" 'I hate divorce,' says the Lord God of Israel, 'and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,' says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith" (Malachi 2:14-16).

Besides paying homage to other gods, the men of Israel also sinned by breaking their marriage covenants and divorcing their wives. These actions thwarted one of God's great purposes for marriage, the development of "godly offspring" (verse 15); that is, children who accept God's values as their own. One reason God hates divorce is that it hinders such children. Instead of witnessing a successful marriage, children of divorce experience the negative effects of a failed relationship.

Divorce brings so much crappy other problems as well, from financial hardship to the scars of emotional trauma. One of the greatest fears hat I hear in our youth group or at school coaching basketball is that their parents will separate.

Because not everyone accepts or practices God's ideals for marriage, some conclude that divorce is sometimes the only answer. Jesus Christ addressed the problem of divorce by first affirming God's values as stated in Genesis and then by saying, "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:4-6). Jesus was not in favor of divorce.

When pressed however, Jesus said divorce was allowed for "sexual immorality" (verse 9). Jesus' perspective was that divorce should be legal but rare. If everyone would refrain from sexual intercourse before marriage and experience it only within marriage, many divorces could be avoided. Tragically, sexual permissiveness is rampant in our society. Few couples today enter marriage as virgins and sadly, many will not remain faithful to their marriage partner.

Most people want happy marriages, but they don't want to follow God's advice on how to achieve them. The same was true in Jesus' day. Few were willing to live according to God's instructions. This is why Jesus said, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given" (verse 11).

As the head of His spiritual family, God promises never to break His relationship with His people (Revelation 3:21; 21:7). He makes a covenant with them and writes His laws in their hearts (Hebrews 8:10), and promises never to forsake them (Hebrews 13:5). Just as God honors His commitments, so shouldn't we honor our marriage vows? How has a vow become so shallow?

In Ephesians 5:33 Paul summed up a passage on marriage: "Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Love and respect are two simple but important principles husbands and wives can use to build sound, stable, happy marriages.

People think that love is an uncontrolled and uncontrollable emotion. They believe it just happens and that humans fall prey to this seemingly unpredictable force. We speak of "falling in love" as though it were some fortunate accident. By popular, idealized convention, love continues joyful and fun.

The apostle Paul, though, penned a different definition. "Love suffers long," he wrote (1 Corinthians 13:4). Paul's words equated loving someone with being willing to suffer for or with that person. True love, as defined in the Bible, requires a willingness to suffer patiently for or with someone for, if necessary, a lifetime. This kind of love comes by choice, not by accident. This love demonstrates an unselfish concern for another, even when showing such love grows difficult or inconvenient.

"Love suffers long and is kind," Paul continued; "love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails" (verses 4-8). This kind of love will sustain a relationship, not just through the good times, but through the difficult and bleak times all marriages encounter.

Like love, respect implies that a choice has to be made. We can choose to respect someone for his/her positive attributes or disrespect him/her for his/her faults. As marital partners, our choice can support our relationship or help destroy it.

Many more principles could be added to a discussion of how to have a happy marriage. Most of these, however, simply demonstrate, I have found, the two great principles: love and respect.

Yes I realize I babbled there & I didn't even get into everything I read. I simply think that we need to value what we vowed before "God & man." I'm literally saddened by how I know over 5 people contemplating divorce at the moment or going through it. My prayer would simply be this: "God please burden our hearts that we might value our 3 chord marriages with you & us in one accord."