Friends

I had a very interesting conversation with my wife the other day about friends. We likened friends unto a pair of jeans that you have. We settled on 3 different kinds of jeans:

1. The tight "look good" jeans - You know the pair I'm talking about. The pair you have to squeeze into. The pair you look good in, but they just aren't that comfortable. The pair you wear to impress or to feel good about yourself, but you sure aren't going to be bending over for the quarter you see on the side walk.
2. The "fashionably" torn/comfy jeans - This is the pair that is intentionally torn or cut by the store before you even buy them. The ones that look worn to make the appearance of comfort, but in reality they simply need to be broken in just like the "look good" jeans.
3. The good old "comfy" jeans - Old reliable. The ones that are so stretched out that they would still fit even if you gained 5 lbs. They are faded & worn just enough. They may be torn or stained, but if you are looking for comfort...these are the ones.

Why am I talking about jeans? How the heck does this have anything to do with friends. Well let me ask you something...what type of close friends do you have? Do you have friends that are shallow? Do you have friends that you can't be yourself with? Do you have friends that you have you to pretend to be something you're not? I everyone can point to some friend that is like the "tight" pair of jeans. It might even be someone you wish you could get closer to, but at the end of the day they just aren't "that friend".

How about a friend that you can share your heart with & let your hair down a bit with, but still have some sort of prestige & glamor with? Someone you can be honest with to an extent, but no share your deepest heart with. Someone that builds you up & makes you feel good about yourself, but doesn't want to hear all your junk because it's about appearance.

How about that friend that you can 100% be yourself with? That friend you can have over for dinner & simply put on a pair of sweats & chat about how busy & crazy your week was.

I think we put too much focus & emphasis on the "look good" jeans/friends. They are the people that might be above you or more important. The people you wish you could get close to. The people that maybe you have ulterior motives to pursue. These friends are not bad to explore, but most of us put all of our focus on these relationships. Once we develop this type of friendship, we "wear" it all the time to feel good about ourselves & to make us feel accomplished.

Everyone needs a "fashionable" pair of jeans/friend. The friend that always builds you up & sees the treasure you truly are. That friend that isn't concerned with your life as much as they are your potential. This type of friend challenges us & pulls us to excellence in our life.

What many of us don't have, however, is that friend that you always rely on. That friend that you can count on no matter what the circumstances. The type of friend that no matter how bad your life is, they will stand with you through it all. The friend that knows your junk & loves you more because of it. The friend that isn't trying to make you feel good or require you to act a certain way to be with them. They are simply "being" with you. Living life & journeying with you.

I have been blessed with many friends over my short life thus far. I have been given MANY "look good" friends. I have been given quite a few "fashionable" friends, but I have been blessed with a few "comfy" friends that I would not trade for the world.

One of my comfy friends has been with me for a long time & through so much stuff it is incredible to think they still hang with me. They have seen my lowest lows & my highest highs. I have another comfy friend that has morphed from a "look good" friend to a close friend that I trust with every decision in my life. Another one is a newer to this category for me, but I trust them like a brother & would do anything for them.

After talking about this with my wife, I realized that we all need one friend we can count on. One friend we can vent to. One friend we can explore our dreams with. The trap that so many of us fall into is that we let this person be our spouse or children. What a shame this is. It robs us from the fulfillment a true friend can be. I'm am by no means saying our spouce or children cannot be one of our best friends. I am, however, saying that you need to find a pair of jeans to wear in addition to your wife or husband. Not only will this be good for your marriage/relationship, but this will revitalize you. It will allow you to give your best to your family.

Regretfully you can't just go buy a comfy friend like you can that perfect pair of jeans. You also can't be sure that friend will be comfy right away. Sometimes you get lucky, as I said earlier, & you find that friend & right away you know you connect & trust each other. Although, most times it is something that takes a lot of work & time. It takes trust & faith in knowing they want the same relationship you do.

I can tell you one thing...I could never love my wife the way I do & I definetly would not be where I am today without the support of these 3 friends in my life. The cool thing is I know without a doubt they feel the same about me. Friends a pecious gift, & just like that comfy pair of jeans that although they are torn, painted on, & wearing thin...we don't dare throw them out. They are priceless & can always be trusted.

I heard this quote today & thought I would leave this post with it: "A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, & accepts you just the way you are."

Position

"Position Yourself"...that has been the word resonating in my head lately. How do I position myself & for what rather? Am I positioning myself to be used? Am I positioning myself for success? Am I positioning myself for shear greatness? What does it mean & why do I need to do it?

The fact is we are all positioning ourself in one facet or another. Positioning ourselves for advancement in our workforce. Positioning for the attention of a significant other. Positioning ourselves for happiness in the otherwise mundane day to day activities. We are all positioning ourselves for something. The question I had to come to terms with was not why or how but what??!!!??

What am I positioning for. What at the core of me is my position? Everything I do in my life is showing my position. Everything I say & focus on is giving a glimpse into what I am positioning myself for. As a basketball coach, I teach my boys every day to work themselves into proper position. If a shot goes up it doesn't matter where you are on the floor as long as you quickly position yourself to get the rebound. Same goes with playing defense. Position is everything in basketball. In life though isn't it the same? As we focus on our can't miss tv show isn't that showing our position? As we fixate on the stress in our lives rather then relax & allow life to come to us isn't that shining a light on our position? As we agonize over our already failed New Years resolutions....ok maybe that one was too soon! =)

Every decision I make is showing my position in life. What I value & hold in high esteem is based on what decisions I make. My position in life is a direct reflection of the way I live it. If I position myself to put a great emphasis on such a small part of my life (let's say coaching), then that shows I value it more then the big things in my life (let's say my wife & daughter). If I position myself to watch tv every night & never read, does it not show I value it more then growing & learning? I think you get where I'm going with this.

I leave you with this thought. Value is described by Webster as "the worth of something in terms of the amount of other things for which it can be exchanged for." What do you value? Once you find that, what is it worth in your life if you were to exchange it? There you will find your position...& there you will find the light bulb turning on!