I had everything at this point in my life that I wanted. I had a beautiful wife. I had a daughter that was full of joy. I had a son who is so sweet. I had a job as a campus pastor which was incredibly fulfilling. I had a job as a basketball coach. Life seemed so full & so incredibly satisfying. Then came news in February that felt like a punch to my gut. The news was vague but clear...I had growths on my esophagus & they feared cancer. I have undergone numerous tests that have been unpleasant to say the least. It has been a roller coaster of emotions that has left me feeling fine to feeling impending doom. You have to understand the feeling that this gave me. My grandfather just died from esophagus cancer & my dad just died from cancer. I was in disbelief! I'm 25 years old! How in the heck does a 25 year old guy get something like esophagus cancer? It felt like the very things around me that I thought were fine & harmless were attacking me. It was as if this tornado of events was hurling things into my life at neck breaking speed & I was left to absorb the blows & still keep my head up.
After many tests the good news came back...NO CANCER! I was thrilled! The bad news? I still have big growths & severe scarring in my esophagus. Comments like "You are so young. We never see this in anyone under 50!" became the norm. To explain my condition, everyone has a valve at the bottom of your esophagus that remains closed. The only time it opens is when you swallow or vomit. Well mine is always open roughly 80% of the way. Acid & stomach bile constantly spill into my esophagus, scarring the inside lining. This leads to scarring & scarring in turn leads to abnormal growths which is what I have. With constant interaction to acid these growths quickly turn into cancer & without repair I was told I am two years tops away from having cancer.
My emotions now are a mixed bag. Part of me feels anxious & excited to fix the problem. Another part of me is nervous & annoyed I have to go through this.
I will be having a surgery called laparoscopic nissen fundoplication done on May 16th in Portland to repair my problem. They will be taking 20% of my stomach & wrapping it around my esophagus to strengthen it & to stop any further damage from happening. The surgery is quite invasive & will require me to be on a liquid diet for quite some time. It will be a little bit of a recovery, but it will fix my problem which I am thrilled about. I am at my wits end with my condition. Every time I eat, I constantly throw it up. I have intense heartburn that feels like someone is stabbing me. I have open wounds in my esophagus that hurt as I eat some foods. To get this fixed will be such a blessing. The good news is I should lose quite a bit of weight. The bad news is I will have to forever change my diet & will never be able to do any heavy lifting as it could ruin the surgery & they'd have to go in again. After weeks of processing this information, I feel at peace. I know I don't have a choice about this surgery. It's not something I can elect to have or not have. I need it to remain healthy. I feel a calm about this surgery. I'm nervous, but I know that my God is bigger than any storm I may be going through on Earth. The one thing I do wish is that my Dad was here to talk with. He was always a rock for me & a sounding board for issues like this. He also went through some of these same issues.
What I do know though is I still have an amazing wife. I still have amazing kids. I still have an amazing family. I still have an amazing job. Life is good. Instead of wallowing in self pity I am praising in the storm. This too shall pass & at the end of the day I know God has a plan for me in all of this.
For God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of power, love, & a sound mind. - 2 Timothy 1:7
